BobOmb Sweeper
by Cascore
Summary: Led by General Mario, a division of eighteen Toad troops take on their biggest, toughest Bob-Omb sweep yet. A parody of the game Minesweeper and rated K plus for unfortunate events.


**A/N: The following is a true story. Except it's kind of not. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Alright ladies, listen up!" Mario shouted as he paced back and forth in front of his troops, all assembled in a formation of three rows of six. Mario wore a red leather helmet to complement his usual blue and red attire while his troops, all of which were Toad, were dressed in camouflage, including their mushroom caps. Everyone wore two finger painted strips of black paint on each cheek, looking battle ready.

"This is the final battlefield," Mario continued, pacing with his arms held behind his back. "We've been a major accessory in this war so far, but it's all been a cakewalk until now. I can assure you this plot of land will be the toughest, most dangerous land to sweep. There are a grand total of ninety-nine Bob-Ombs buried in the area, and we must locate each and every one of them."

The troops began to murmur nervously, and Mario allowed them to be worried for a small while, for he felt the same way deep down. He could not let the morale drop too low however, and he soon interjected his way into the talking.

"I know it's a staggering number to think about," Mario said, continuing to pace. "We've never had to deal with more than forty at a time before, but we're in the big leagues now boys. Just take what you've learned from previous sweeps and use them to your full advantage. You've had a lot of practice, and now is the time to prove your worth. But remember, if just one of us makes a wrong move, we all go down. So be very careful about where you dig. Try not to take more than nine hundred ninety-nine seconds though; it really annoys me to continue sweeping after that point." The troops nodded and muttered in agreement. They too hated working after nine hundred ninety-nine seconds had passed. It seemed like pointless work after that.

"Okay men, you know what to do," Mario said, coming to a stop directly front and center before the troops. "Take a deep breath, be cautious, and good luck. This is our last mission together. We'll celebrate well after it's all over. Now...Bob-Omb sweep!"

With that, Mario stepped next to a supply area containing eighteen shovels and ninety-nine flags. Each troop took a shovel and a healthy supply of flags as they passed the supply station and marched out to the Bob-Omb infested field, ready to begin their final sweep.

–

"Hey Rook," one of the veteran Toad troops greeted as he approached a greenhorn Bob-Omb sweeper, unfortunately selected for this assignment. "This yer first sweep?"

"Yeah," the rookie Toad said nervously, wavering between deciding to strike a portion of the ground with his shovel or not. "I was drafted just for this mission."

"Talk about unlucky," the veteran Toad chuckled. "Don't worry Rook, I got ya covered. Stick with me and you should be fine." The Toad cupped a hand next to his mouth and shouted, "First strike!"

"First strike!" another Toad said from a different part of the field.

"First strike!" another Toad, further away, yelled out. Every Toad watched the veteran nervously as he raised his shovel high into the air, preparing to dig it into the ground.

"First step Rook: pray this ain't a Bob-Omb," the veteran said before suddenly jutting the shovel into the earth. The rookie's heart skipped a beat and he closed his eyes tightly. When nothing happened, he opened his eyes slowly. The veteran chuckled, looking at the ground below him. The spot in which he dug was blank, and every other blank spot next to it revealed itself until they came to an end, creating a border of numbers that stretched from north to south on the west side of the field. Every other troop, relieved to see that the first strike wasn't a Bob-Omb, began to head for the numbers, finally starting to really sweep.

"No matter what anyone tells you about this line of work Rook, luck is always a part of it," the vet said as he and the newbie approached a "1" at the northern edge of the field. "Logic is what'll get you through, luck is what'll keep you goin'. Remember that, and you'll be a classified Bob-Omb sweeper in no time."

The pair reached the "1", which was situated in the very corner of the northwestern edge, with another "1" directly south of it and another "1" to the southeast. The vet scoffed at the simplicity of the location of the buried Bob-Omb, but instead turned to the rookie to decide the next move.

"Your turn Rook," the vet said with a smile. The rookie suddenly felt sweat bead across his forehead, clueless about what to do next. "Just take a breath and analyze the situation," the veteran instructed. "First, what tool are you going to use for this? Your shovel or a flag?" The Toad looked at his equipment before looking at the ground. He had no idea what the numbers were for however and soon, he looked back at the veteran, confused. The vet simply smiled.

"Okay Rook, time to teach you the basics," he said, stepping over to the plot next to the "1". He knelt down, facing the "1". "This number here's an indicator. Indicators tell us how many Bob-Ombs are in the direct vicinity of the particular square. This means that any uncovered square to the direct north, northeast, east, southeast, south, southwest, west, or northwest is a possible Bob-Omb. So, if this square is a "1", that means..."

"It's touching one square that's hiding a Bob-Omb," the rookie finished. The vet smiled.

"Right," he said. "Now, look at the squares. This "1" is only touching one uncovered square, so..."

"That square must have a Bob-Omb underneath it," the rookie said, coming to a breakthrough. The vet nodded.

"So that's where flags come in," he explained, pointing at the flags the rookie carried on him. "Plant a flag on a square that you think is hiding a Bob-Omb, and that'll warn others not to dig there later."

The rookie complied and placed one of his flags on the square in question, and the veteran turned to the covered square east of it.

"Now that we figured out where the Bob-Omb is, we have to see if digging around it is safe," he continued. He pointed at the "1" to the southeast of the first one they focused on. "This '1' is touching the same Bob-Omb that the other '1' is, so that means that every other square around it is safe."

"So the covered square to the east of the Bob-Omb is a safe one," the rookie said. The vet nodded and soon, the rookie dug his shovel into the ground to find another "1". The vet smiled and patted the rookie on the back.

"Do ya get it now?" he asked. The rookie smiled and nodded eagerly. "Good, you're starting out well. But try to stay near me. This field is a challenge. Don't make a move until I or General Mario verifies it. We can't afford a single slip-up."

"Yes sir," the rookie said, feeling slightly nervous once again. The vet nodded and the pair went to seriously begin their sweep.

–

Mario appeared on the scene, inspecting the troops' work thoroughly. He nodded as he saw that progress was coming along satisfactorily; half of the entire field was properly swept without having to resort to blind digging even once. However, a few open ends were left behind in favor of simpler tasks elsewhere. Mario didn't mind this, for he knew that, if things went well, working on a different part of the field could eventually lead back to where labor was let off.

However, it appeared progress was at a complete standstill. Mario approached the group of eighteen troops, all crowded around one swept square.

"What's going on here?" Mario asked, stepping into the crowd. He looked down at the uncovered square and immediately knew what the problem was. "An '8'..."

The crowd was completely silent. Mario sighed and folded his arms before looking around the square. Seeing they were bare, he turned to his troops.

"Well boys, what are you waiting for?" he said. "Flag the area."

"But sir, what should we do now?" a nervous troop asked as a few of the others planted their flags around the "8". "We already had to resort to a blind dig and we found this. We don't want to have to do two in a row. There's still fifty-two Bob-Ombs left and we're already more than halfway through with the field."

"Calm down soldier, you're acting hysterical!" Mario shouted as he slapped the Toad, who grabbed his cheek immediately, looking shocked.

"But General, I'm fi-"

"I said calm down!" Mario yelled, slapping the Toad once again. "We have to keep a level head in times like this!" He then quickly turned to the rookie and pointed him to the northeast corner of the field. "Go to that corner, pray, and dig," he commanded. The rookie looked at the vet nervously, and the vet looked back at him, simply nodding. The rookie sighed and walked past him.

"Good luck," the veteran said as the rookie made his way to the indicated corner. He stood over the square and looked back at the rest of the division. Everyone held their breath as the rookie held his shovel in the air and slammed it down into the earth.

Time seemed to freeze for a few seconds as everyone struggled to come to terms with the fact they were granted with the gift of continued work, for the rookie had struck another patch of blank squares. Mario practically melted as the tension was released and the troops continued to work in the newly opened area.

"Thank God," he muttered, taking off his leather helmet and wiping his sweaty forehead. "This job is so stressful..."

–

The ordeal was almost over. The troops had done a great job of sweeping the entire field with a minimal amount of risky lucky strikes. Mario was once again on the scene, looking incredibly proud of the work.

"Good job men," he congratulated prematurely. "Only two Bob-Ombs left, and, looking at what we have, it's pretty obvious where they are."

The troops all murmured amongst themselves in agreement; even the rookie could tell which two squares were the bombs. At this point, everyone could let relief wash over them, and a few began to toss their helmets in celebration of finally being done, through with the long grueling process of sweeping the massive, bomb-ridden field. Mario took a moment to look at his watch and smiled.

"Only five hundred forty-two seconds," he announced, causing the troops to cheer.

"That's barely longer than our time with the 40-Bob-Omb field!"

"Man, we turned this one out pretty well!"

"Finally, I'm coming home sweetheart!"

"This is it boys," Mario said, lifting up his shovel to strike the ground. "We're home free!"

"Hey bro!" a familiar voice shouted from directly behind Mario, accompanied by a rough friendly smack on the back of the shoulder. Mario fell to the side, causing his shovel to head for a square he wasn't aiming for.

"Nooooooo!" Mario yelled as he descended.

"Nooooooo!" the rookie and vet yelled at the same time.

"Nooooooo!" the rest of the troops yelled A Capella.

The shovel connected with the ground and immediately the entire site erupted in a series of large, fatal explosion. Every single Bob-Omb in the area ignited and the troops were no more.

"Oops..." Luigi said as he looked over Mario's crestfallen shoulder. "Sorry bro...I didn't mean to mess up your game."

Mario sat in front of his computer, completely motionless for several moments. Luigi knew how long Mario had been trying to beat the expert mode on Bob-Omb sweep and he just ruined his closest game yet. He tried to perk his brother up with some pep talk though.

"There's always next time bro," Luigi said brightly. Mario remained still.

"You'll beat it one day," he persisted. Mario remained still.

"At least you got close..." he tried again. Mario remained still.

"...It's...just a game..." he continued. Mario remained still.

"..." Luigi gave up. Mario remained still.

Time passed. Luigi avoided Mario as much as possible for the next few days, as he never said a single word, evidently still angry about Bob-Omb Sweeper.

Little did Luigi know that Mario didn't really care that he messed up the game. He simply enjoyed freaking his little brother out.

Two weeks later, Mario tried expert mode again. He lost thirty-three times in a row before giving up.

The next day, Luigi tried expert mode himself, having never played Bob-Omb Sweeper in his life.

He beat it on the first try.

Luigi is currently pleading for his brother to let him back into the house. Mario refuses to do so until he can win the game.

* * *

**A/N: The part about messing up at the very end actually happened to me, and two minutes after the event, I decided to write this. And no, I have yet to beat Minesweeper on expert mode. It is saddening. But I hope you enjoyed the story!**


End file.
